The most important thing you should take away from this personality quiz, is that personality quizzes are almost always pointless, and will almost certainly tell you nothing about who you are. Be comfortable with the fact that you are unique and stop trying to learn what “type of person you are”. That being said, here are my analytically proven analyses of your responses to the personality quiz:
1. If you were a naughty word, which one would you be?
Whatever your answer was to this question, you should watch your language.
2. If you could whisper one sexually suggestive remark in Oprah Winfrey’s ear, without consequence, what would it be?
Make this one your own. Mine would be something involving the book club sticker and an “O” face, but I would need more time to plan.
3. If kitchen appliances were self-aware and could talk, think, feel and love, which one would you date?
If you answered Turbo Juicer 1000™, then I respect and fear you.
4.Would you rather hold hands with your celebrity crush, or win a $15 gift card to Applebees?
Simply a matter of opinion. Keep in mind Applebees has half-off-apps after 9:00 pm.
5.If you were toast would you:
A) be covered in Jelly?
B) be covered in Jam?
C) be used to make some type of sandwich?
D) be burnt because your toaster is offended by your answer to Question 3?
If your initial response was to answer this question with the question, “what’s the difference between Jelly and Jam?….. I can’t Jelly my **** in your ****, then great job.
6.Would you rather eat a used tampon or a half-pound of human hair?
Whatever you answered…. you are a sick freak.
7. If you were a hotdog, what percentage beef would you be?
If you gave this question a significant amount of thought, then you are probably dumb.
8. If you met actor Michael Peña would you address him using Tù, or the formal Usted?
Show some Goddamn respect, he was in End of Watch.
9. Do the words “The Plaza” mean anything special to you?
If they do, you are probably from Mendota Heights/ West St. Paul, in which case you are most likely the coolest person in your circle of friends.
10. If you were an item on the McDonald’s dollar menu, which one would you be?
Fast food is really bad for you. If you had the dollar menu memorized, that’s probably not a good sign.
11. Would you rather have two wooden peg-legs or have both your hands be replaced with hooks?
Pirates arrrr’ great don’t you think?… See what I did there? … did ya?
12. If you could rewrite the english dictionary how would you spell the word that is defined:
Noun. “An opaque white or blueish-white liquid secreted by the mammary glands of female mammals, serving for the nourishment of their young”
If you answered A) or C) I suggest you jump off the nearest bridge, cliff or skyscraper (whichever is least convenient for you), immediately if not sooner.
13.*For men* Would you rather have an extra nose where your penis is supposed to be, or an extra penis where your nose is supposed to be?
13. *For women* Would you rather date a guy who had an extra nose where his penis is supposed to be, or an extra penis where is nose is supposed to be?
Sorry for whatever mental image this one created for you. Oh, and girls have fun bringing this guy home to your parents.
14. Would you rather find out that your spouse of 20 years was a terrorist, or find out that he/she was a pedophile?
If you answered terrorist, you are in the minority. In my Master’s thesis on the subject of terrorism v. pedophilia, I learned that most Americans prefer terrorists to kid-diddlers.
15. Have you ever referred to your relationship status as “between girlfriends/boyfriends”?
You are probably still single.