This Just In

If movies could be summarized in one newspaper headline…


**possible spoilers**

The Dark Knight:

Billionaire dresses up as bat; beats up clown.


B&B owner/Momma’s boy linked to dozens of missing persons.


Extraterrestrials invade planet that is 70% water despite being allergic to water.


Rude music teacher ruins concert

There Will Be Blood:

Ambitious prospector strikes oil; drinks local preacher’s milkshake.

American Beauty: 

Gay murderer’s son films plastic bag

Citizen Kane:

Newspaper tycoon owned sled as child

Requiem for a Dream:

Three teens do heroin; ruin everyone’s weekend.

Gran Torino:

Local racist befriends car thief.

A Beautiful Mind:

Schizo reforms game theory.

The Sixth Sense:

Dead psychologist councils local medium.

12 Years a Slave:

“150 years later, slavery is still bad” experts report.

The Lord of the Rings: 

Midget walks barefoot across continent; throws jewelry into volcano.

The Shawshank Redemption:

Interview with escaped convict reports, “Prison not so bad. I’m besties with Morgan Freeman.”



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