If movies could be summarized in one newspaper headline…
The Dark Knight:
Billionaire dresses up as bat; beats up clown.
B&B owner/Momma’s boy linked to dozens of missing persons.
Extraterrestrials invade planet that is 70% water despite being allergic to water.
Rude music teacher ruins concert
There Will Be Blood:
Ambitious prospector strikes oil; drinks local preacher’s milkshake.
Gay murderer’s son films plastic bag
Newspaper tycoon owned sled as child
Requiem for a Dream:
Three teens do heroin; ruin everyone’s weekend.
Local racist befriends car thief.
A Beautiful Mind:
Schizo reforms game theory.
The Sixth Sense:
Dead psychologist councils local medium.
12 Years a Slave:
“150 years later, slavery is still bad” experts report.
The Lord of the Rings:
Midget walks barefoot across continent; throws jewelry into volcano.
The Shawshank Redemption:
Interview with escaped convict reports, “Prison not so bad. I’m besties with Morgan Freeman.”