The Four Stages of Taco Bell

Stage One- Reasoning

During this stage you have realized that you as a consumer have a need and you have identified that need as hunger. You are searching for viable options, maybe make a snack at home, maybe wait  until the morning… or maybe hit the drive-thru at your nearest Taco Bell. Typically if you have even considered the Taco bell option, you have more than likely been abusing some controlled substances or your mind has been altered in some kind of way. Whatever the cause, something is hindering your ability to evaluate your options in a reasonable or rational way. You are likely in the car on the way home from somewhere, and you are likely not alone. Normally you would consider things like health benefits, your financial state, or even just what time it is, but then someone in the car utters the fateful words, “Should we swing by taco bell?” 

Stage Two- Submission

 Even if by some strange sequence of events you are in any state of mind to be making a decision, you have already reasoned with yourself and it is game over for you. You have  managed to convinced yourself that if you do not purchase and ingest 3,500 calories worth of beef, cheese, sour cream, dog meat and pink slime you will literally parish from starvation on the way home. Your car pulls up, you look at the menu, and it all just seems so tasty and so affordable. The vague adjectives the marketing geniuses use at taco bell HQ to describe the various items on the menu entice you. Beefy five layer burrito, cheesy gordita crunch, Doritos Loco taco, cheesy-crunchy-beefy-potatoey-crispy-chewy-zesty-grilled-stuffed-whatever-the-fuck, it all just sounds delicious. 

Stage Three- The Feast

You and your partners have somehow collectively ordered 27 burritos, 14 tacos, 5 Baja-blast Mountain dews and 9 miscellaneous food items that are unique to taco bell’s  menu. Your total bill is 8 bucks. Everyone instantly starts chowing down. The driver pulls over because it’s hard to eat Mexican food while driving and he squeezed the first beefy-five-layer-burrito too hard causing it to squirt cheese and sour cream on his jacket. There is no time to distribute each person’s order so there is one person holding the bags on his lap. Meat sweat drips out of your every pore as you shout to the bag-holder for more hot sauce and your next taco.With the car parked in some sketchy location, the occupants of your vehicle devour the meal until it is nothing but a sad memory. 

Stage Four- Guilt & Resentment 

Somehow you have gone from profound satisfaction, to a deep state of sadness and guilt. You have just eaten more than your fill of, what the FDA would not allow taco bell to call, beef. You feel the inside of your stomach judging you, as it attempts to digest what you so eagerly stuffed down your gullet. Although you have spent almost no money, you feel shame that you spent any amount of coin on this food, when you should have come home and eaten a PB&J. You ask yourself, “WHY?” and, “Who is to blame for this  madness?” but you have only yourself to blame. You might even swear off taco bell for life after the guilt and resentment you feel about what you have done, but you will be back….. they always come back. 


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s