Poking Holes In Famous Quotes

“Do one thing every day that scares you”-Eleanor Roosevelt 

Inspirational yes, but you know what scares me? Terrorism, Cancer, AIDS, Identity Theft, a Nuclear Holocaust and  I guess bees. I think even Eleanor would agree that trying any one of those things might be counterproductive.

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”- Albert Einstein 

The thing:  Call somebody on the phone.                    The same thing: Call somebody on the phone again.

The expectation: They will answer.                               The expectation: They will answer.

The result: They do not answer.                                      The result: They answer.

The thing:  Shoot a deer.                                                     The same thing: Shoot the same deer again.

The expectation: It will die.                                               The expectation: It will die.

The result: It is still alive.                                                           The result: It dies.

“There is more than one way to skin a cat”-Unknown

True, but whoever was quoted saying this probably grew up to become a serial killer.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”  – Bernard M. Baruch

Unless, of course, you are a racist.

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”- Mahatma Gandhi

The changes I wish to see in the world are free gasoline and dippin’ dots being really really healthy.  I am unsure how to become either one of these things. Also, I assume Hitler thought something along these lines when he wished there were nobody but blonde white Christian folks.

“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” -Mark Twain

Except your home address, social security number and girlfriend’s birthday.

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