100 things

List of things I don’t like.  (In no order) 
  1. The show “talking dead”
  2. Crows
  3. Black licorice 
  4. Flo from progressive commercials
  5. Playing hockey 
  6. The phrase “hate fuck” as a verb
  7. Bone thugs and harmony 
  8. Domesticated cats  
  9. The smell of artichokes 
  10. Being hungover 
  11. Hermit crabs 
  12. LinkedIn 
  13. FaceTime /skype 
  14. The movie “the blindside”
  15. Bees
  16. When people complain about being fat 
  17. Accidentally eating grape stems 
  18. That game where you can win a lobster with a crane 
  19. Car racing video games 
  20. Lacrosse players 
  21. The concept of social host tickets 
  22. Hats that make people look like animals 
  23. Parents who don’t let their kids read Harry potter. 
  24. Sticky mouse traps. 
  25. Michael Bay movies 
  26. Gerard Butler 
  27. People who keep tarantulas as pets
  28. Putting the bed cover back on my bed. 
  29. The book “Emma” by Jane Austin 
  30. Batman’s voice in the dark night trilogy 
  31. Watching sportscenter twice in a row
  32. Video clips where things jump out and startle you. 
  33. The San Antonio spurs 
  34. Jack from lost 
  35. Unnecessarily gluten-free people
  36. Driving in Minneapolis 
  37. People that work out in jeans 
  38. Diet Pepsi 
  39. Misusing there, their, they’re 
  40. Snorkeling in lakes 
  41. Tequila 
  42. The sound of loud electronics 
  43. Nuns 
  44. Tapioca pudding 
  45. Collaflower 
  46. Traffic
  47. Bike chains 
  48. Fortune tellers
  49. Siri 
  50. The human centipede two 
List of things I like (not comprehensive)
  1. Dimples 
  2. Jell-O
  3. Zombies
  4. Grand theft auto games 
  5. The color green 
  6. Brushing my teeth 
  7. Whiskey-7s 
  8. Beyonce’s voice 
  9. Trains 
  10. Windmills 
  11. The sound of cards being shuffled 
  12. Foreplay 
  13. Frank’s red hot 
  14. Walking home drunk 
  15. The name Rex for a dog 
  16. Snuggling 
  17. When people abbreviate words that don’t need to be abbreviated 
  18. Eating breakfast for dinner 
  19. Applesauce
  20. Seeing movies in theaters 
  21. Watching people eat spaghetti 
  22. Ninjas 
  23. When it’s warm in my bed but cold in my room. 
  24. The sound it makes when you create a peasant in age of empires 
  25. Catch phrase 
  26. Wolves 
  27. The word “sassy”
  28. Will Ferrell quotes 
  29. Yoga pants 
  30. Jude Law 
  31. Tinted windows 
  32. The song “baby I got your money” by Old Dirty Bastard 
  33. Softball 
  34. Giving back massages 
  35. Being drunk when nobody knows your drunk 
  36. Apple slices 
  37. My mom’s cooking
  38. Toy story 
  39. Beer pong and ping pong 
  40. Riding in boats 
  41. Moist towelettes  
  42. Cream cheese 
  43. The word razzmatazz (the drink at Jamba Juice)
  44. Harriet island 
  45. Goose down comforters 
  46. Betting one dollar at a time in roulette 
  47. Playing “would you rather”
  48. Catching flies 
  49. Dive bars 
  50. Swivel chairs 



Toilet Paper

Have you ever just wondered about how something came to be? I mean somethings you just get why they were invented and you can speculate on the events that transpired in order for them to be invented. Take for example the air conditioner… Someone was complaining about how hot it was and then someone smarter took it upon themselves to make make an air conditioner. But what about the things that no one wants to talk about. What about toilet paper? 

Imagine the world before toilet paper. People just walked, uncomfortably, around with crusty unwiped butt-cracks. Clearly this was a problem for everyone and they needed a solution, but so many people could have thought that it was just them. Imagine the first people to bring it up. “Hey Dave… can I talk to you about something?” “When you poop does it just basically… dry on there and itch and burn all day after?” Could you just imagine how uncomfortable it would be for Dave and the fear the speaker might have that Dave would say something like. “no… you should probably go get that checked out.” Imagine even further about the first two people to talk about how corn doesn’t digest fully. They had seen corn in their poop before but how many times do you think they wanted to ask someone if it was normal and could not find the courage? 

I guess my point is that we should all take a moment and just thank those brave enough to talk about things like butt wiping. 

First Post

Let’s not focus on the past. You don’t know my past I don’t know your past and I think we should just keep it that way. Something you should know about me however is that I am basically an atheist. I don’t believe in God or the church or angels and demons and all that Halloween town bullshit. I realize that this may offend some people but luckily I doubt anyone except you will read this. But I am writing it anyway, on the off chance that someone will read it and might, just might, think to themselves, “oh… that person existed and things happened to him and he happened to things and because of him something is different.” Or something to that affect… effect or whichever FFECT its supposed to be. I think that having someone acknowledge your existence is just as good of a meaning to life than God. I mean isn’t that why people do what they do? In the hopes that maybe somebody will see and then they will have made their mark on the world. 

Anyways, like I said I don’t want to focus on the past. Lets talk about right now. Right now my mind and so many other parts of my body are focused on one thing. And that thing is not actually a thing its a girl. Don’t get too excited though this will almost certainly not be an awesome love story, I have felt that way about many girls and nothing romantical ever happened. Sometimes I will just sit there and imagine my life if I end up with them, which I realize is like some serial killer psychopath shit, since my generation has all but given up on love and everything that was once romantic or genuine is just sort of creepy and clingy now… but I digress. 

This girl is different. I have said that about all of them, but she really is different. I think that everyone these days is basically just derivatives of some cookie cutter version of everyone else in the entire world. What I mean is that nobody really acts like themselves anymore. They see the cool-guy and they want to be like him, but in their own unique and special way, which is fucked up in my opinion. I am not excluding myself from this claim, I see the cool guys and how they get the cool girls and I just want to be fucking cool but not in a copy cat sort of way. I would say anywhere from 99-100% of my actions are governed by other people and I don’t think I am alone in this. This girl though… she isn’t like anyone in the entire world and for some reason I am devastatingly, irrevocably attracted to that. Oh and also she is amazingly beautiful which doesn’t really hurt the cause. I think what makes her different is that when I told my friends about every other girl who I thought was going to one day be my other half I would say something like “She’s perfect.” But this girl…. this girl is not perfect in anyway and it makes her so much better than everyone else. 

I’m not really sure how long a blog is supposed to be so I will end this one now. Most likely my next post will be something about this girl… or at least I hope it will.